Thursday, June 03, 2004

The Winds of Love

The winds of love are blowing here today.
The winds of love are blowing here to stay.

Blessings flow through the wind.
Harmony stirring within.
Here with the children we play.
Listen and feel what the winds say. . .

The winds of love are blowing here today.
Love burning bright, forever and a day.
Mystery flows through the wind.
Memories captured within.
Sharing our lives day by day.
Hand in hand we'll find our way.

Masa Berlalu Tak Ku Sadari

rasanya cepat benar masa berlalu, aku rasa seolah-olah baru semalam aku menjejakkan kaki ke Nanyang Polytechnic. Sekejap dah masuk tahun tiga(bagi aku tahun empatlah... hahahah). Semester ni, aku kena mulai dengan projek dulu. Aku harap aku dapat habiskan cepat-cepat.
Attachment belum tahu kena kat mana. Nanti bila masanya dah tiba barulah aku tahu... Yang penting bagi aku, tempat dan suasanaya bagus, kalau kena kat skolah pun tak apelah. kalau pat skolah, aku dah biasa dengan keadaan disini. so no problemlah.
keadaan kat rumah aje yang aku tak boleh handle. adik-adik aku cam susah sikit nak kawal... kadang kesian tengokkan diorang, kadang gelihati dengan telatah diorang, kadang geram juga dengan diorang; aku sedar aku bukanlah seorang kakak yang terbaik sedangkan aku yang paling tua...tapi aku tak nak nanti adik-adik aku ikut sikap buruk aku ni... aku kasar orangnya, lebih mirip lelaki daripada perempuan.
walaupun kekadang, ataupun lebih benar, seringnya aku memakai pakaian wanita tapi sikap aku lebih banyak kepada lelaki.
Dalam diri aku sendiri, seolah-olah ada dua jiwa... bukan pakaian yang menentukan sikapku, tetapi...entahlah...
Aku tak tahu kenapa, seringnya aku rasakan diriku sebagai lelaki dari wanita. kebanyakan yang tahu, hanya suka mengkritik dan mencemuh, sedangkan aku bukannya sengaja nakkan sangat jadi lelaki...

Decision

Sometimes in our life, there'll always be the times we had to make decisions, difficult decisions. And teenagers are often the ones who had most of the times had to face this kind of situation.
Take for example, a traditional gal who was supposed to be obedient with the rules, suddenly had to break one of it, she was trusted by her parents to study overseas, for further education. But during her studies there, she is put in an environment where people don't really bother to care about traditional values or morales, in which they should respect others as they are. Her friends are totally fun-seekers(there's nothig wrong with having fun, if you deserve to have it. The thing is, who don't deserve fun always get it, and they always get away without paying for the fun they have!), people who care lesser than less about morals and decorum. They know, she is forbidden to drink liquors or the sort, they know she is forbidden to go to discotheque, they know she must not mix with guys who are of not blood relatives as freely as if there's no boundaries, yet they persuaded her and threatened to ignore her if she doesn't follow them.
The girl who used to be lonely, and now felt that she had found companions find it hard to reject. And yet she knew her parents had trusted her. She knows she must say 'no' to them even if they are her friends, but she never said it. The feeling of being lonely again, to be in solace again frightened her.
She was afraid of losing her friends, she doesn't want to go the dark, lonely place again. She doesn't want to go there again... It was miserable to be alone. She knows deep in her heart, how much her parents loved her, but how can she always be with them? She's not someone who can afford to go home once a year, let alone every month. Neither can she contact them everyday for if she did, she wouldn't have enough money to pay for her fees and she couldn't always write letters to them, for it takes time and she is awfully busy with her lectures, studies, projects and all.
She need company and when she finally found it, she felt reluctant to let it go. So what is she to do now? She never said 'yes' to them, neither did she say 'no'. What must she do now? Should she let go of her friends and continue to live as it is...?

I don't know... Its not an easy thing to solve...

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

2nd week of fypj

i was quite late today, yet i was da first one to arrive...
the past few days has been rough for me...
not seen but felt by me... i don't know why i feel it dat way...
i had a talk with my buddy nas, well... sms talk... ahahaha...
i love my club, my tnt, its like my world! my club has been a part of me since i came to poly! i couldn't bear to see it crumbling down... :'(
i just cant...
i am torn between studies and my love, my tnt...
it means a lot to me! 3 years is not a short time...
i will try my best to revive it, to let it live, i will try my best to focus on my project...
i know nas told me, to focus more on my project, coz my club is only a cca and of less important, but...
i need a vacation! to relax my mind, to think things through...

Sunday, May 30, 2004

The Secret

One day, one friend asked another,
"How is it that you are always so happy?You have so much energy,and you never seem to get down."
With her eyes smiling, she said, "I know the Secret!"
"What secret is that?"
To which she replied, "I'll tell you all about it,but you have to promise to share the Secret with others."

"The Secret is this:I have learned there is little I can do in my life that will make me truly happy.
I must depend on Allah to make me happy and to meet my needs.
When a need arises in my life, I have to trust Allah to supply according to HIS riches.
I have learned most of the time I don't need half of what I think I do.He has never let me down.
Since I learned that 'Secret', I am happy."
The questioner's first thought was,"That's too simple!"
But upon reflecting over her own life she recalled how she thought a bigger house would make her happy, but it didn't!
She thought a better paying job would make her happy, but it hadn't.
When did she realize her greatest happiness?
Sitting on the floor with her grandchildren, playing games, eating pizza or reading a story, a simple gift from God.
Now you know it too!We can't depend on people to make us happy.
Only Allah in His infinite wisdom can do that.
Trust ALLAH! And now I pass the Secret on to you!
So once you get it, what will you do?
YOU have to tell someone the Secret, too!
That ALLAH in His wisdom will take care of YOU!

note: supplied by my dear friend, aizah ^^

Apakah Itu Melayu

Apakah itu melayu?
Berselimutkan adat resam,
Adat memakan saudara sendiri,
Menjunjung tinggi budaya sendiri,
Budaya taat membabi buta

Apakah itu melayu?
Bersarungkan baju kurung,
Bertopikan songkok hitam,
Kemasjid tempat penyucian,
Terkotor dengan keangkuhan,
Ternoda dengan kegilaan,
Kegilaan pangkat, pujian,
Orang-orang bergelar wali

Takkan ku mahu dipanggil melayu,
Menatang adat tak siuman,
Taat pada raja gila,
Gila kemuliaan, gila dunia
Raja kafir keparat,
Yang tak mengerti erti penderitaan
Menghancur kehidupan rakyat
Dan kita diamkan…

Bangsa melayu, dinina bobokan,
Diinjak-injak bagai anjing kurap,
Rela dibelenggu gari kehambaan
Bukan pada yang Esa
Tapi pada dekadensi kehidupan

Bergotong-royong itu melayu,
Kebaikan dulu di ungkit-ungkit,
Mintakan pingat bakti,
Setelah menaburkan budi,
Tertampal pingat-pingat emas,
Bertatahkan najis iblis,
Itukah keikhlasan, kemuliaan?
Itukah melayu?

Jangan kau panggil aku melayu,
Tak rela kulihat bangsa ini terkapai-kapai,
Terbelenggu rantai penghambaan,
Memakan bangkai busuk,
Aku tak ingin seperti itu,
Jangan panggil aku melayu!

Tak dapatku berbuat apa-apa,
Ku coba lepaskan belenggu,
Tapi aku sendiri tergari,
Kubiarkan bangsa ini menderita,
Menyakiti kusta yang menabrak jiwa,
Titik-titik hitam terlukis dihati,
Tidak, tidak, ku tak ingin seperti itu,
Apakah itu melayu?

Mencaci saudara sendiri,
Menyayang serigala bertopeng biri-biri,
Itukah melayu?

Aku tak tahu,
Tak mungkin kan tahu,
Apakah itu melayu,
Takkan mungkin ku tahu…
Kerana tafsiran yang kabur,
Bagai kabus di malam hari…


note: hanya sebuah luahan yang terpendam... tak terucap tak terkata
siapakah yang akan mendengarkan? mungkinkah hanya yang Esa?

2nd Week of Exam

Date: 08/05/2004
Place: Hougang, Singapore

Alhamdulillah, Abi dah selamat pulang dari Malaysia. Musyrifah pun dah selamat sampai di KUSZA. InsyaAllah tahun depan Musyrifah dah tamat pengajian di sana. Nak ikutkan jauh juga belajar di Terengganu tu…
Kasihan Abi, tak tidur dua hari… Waktu Abi sampai, jam dinding dah menunjukkan pukul 8:45 malam. Mata Abi yang sebelah kanan terlalu merah sebab kurang tidur… bahkan tak tidur pun… Bila Abi sampai di JB (Johor Baharu), terus Abi dan Cik Din solat maghrib dan jama’kan sekali isya’ disitu…
Penuh tangan Abi, bawa balik buah tangan dari Malaysia… Abi bawa balik lemang yang baru dibakar dari sana, masih segar lagi, baunya pun dah menggoda. Mmmmm…. Wangi sungguh bau lemang yang Abi bawa balik… haa! Dapat juga rasa makan lemang… hai…! Sedih pula bila kenangkan nasib tak dapat pergi ke sana… boleh juga tengok indahnya hutan rumpin, biar mengerikan suasananya, tapi mesti terpikat bila dah tengok pohon-pohon hijau yang menjalar tinggi di kiri dan kanan jalan raya!

Thursday, May 27, 2004

something dat happen long, long ago...

somewhere in 29th of march 2004

One day I shall be alone… all I have with me is my faith…
Right now, I’ve just finished my broadband lesson, next is network mgt & troubleshooting… it’s a long, long day… today we have NE, I don’t know if I should go or not…
my friend faizah is not in a vibrant mood like she used to, I don’t know what is wrong but its not good… it somehow made me feel bad… Astaghfirullahal'aziim... slowly i felt my eyes burning with tears...
no, i rarely showed people my true feelings towards them... i don't mean to please or anything... coz people nowadays like to say "hey, we are not born to please people", but dat doesn't mean you shouldn't respect them...
is a smile so hard to give? i wonder...
i could only hope from Allah to give me the calmness in mind.. coz my heart is flaming with pain...

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

In the Middle of Nowhere

its soo cold in here and i'm actually wearing my sweater! betty and sharon are not in the lab today. they've to go TJC doing some kind of roadshow for the engineering fair i suspect.
almost everyone in the lab are out for lunch already. its 1:35pm by the way, of coz they all will have to go out get some nutrients less they will become weak...
maybe i shud go out for my break too i guess, its 1:40 now..
i had to go to the club room today for some last minute important meeting..
had to use my morning break for it, but the thing drag for 1 hour, which is actually quite fast compared to our normal meeting..
oh God, its getting bored down here!

4th Day - FYPJ

alhamdulillah...
hari ni aku dapat melihat hari baru, masih dapat lagi melihat mentari bersinar.
and i'm soo happy dat i dont have to go to TJC today! ^^ hey, we have to be there by 8:15am you know! i have to go out super early. and i slept late last night.
well... better get to work now, if not i cant finish on time! ^^

2nd day and 3rd day of project

25-26 may 2004

2nd day(yesterday):
i was surprised when early in the morning the supervisor told me dat me and my project partners, betty and jaymond are to go to temasek jc (TJC) for this engineering fair they're having starting this thurs-sat.

we were told dat there's gonna be a briefing at 3:30 pm later dat day.
the lecturer was surprised when i asked her for an XL shirt.
nothing much happen today...

3rd day(today):

well, i assumed the camera wouldn't be updated until after the exam result.
as usual nothing much happened today. its a long and boring day..
today, i ate lunch at da south canteen with sharon, esther and jaymond...
later, kenny came at the canteen to eat with his friends...

at around 4 plus today, i went to the lib to return da cd dat i'd borrowed earlier..
and to look up for some books dat might be of used for my project...
and during dat time, my supervisor actually paid a visit and he told betty dat
i will be concentrating on active X...
well, there goes a new search...

Monday, May 24, 2004

first day of project

its scary...
24th of May is our official first day of project... i came as early as i can yesterday, like i was told... but, no one was there! i was the first one to arrive... i arrived at 8:30 in the morning.
i didn't realise that we are supposed to come at 9:00, i think i'm too early.
i spent they time sms-ing my frens, my bestfren aizah, was the first to reply to me dat morning. it made me happy. coz she still remember me! ^^
later, i went to check if the LT is opened, but the door was locked and many people have started to arrive one by one.
i get a little edgy.
9:05am, pauline came and saw me... and of coz since i'm seated she came towards me.

during the briefing..
the thoughts that came to my mind:
who wil i be doing my project with?
my stomach started to tremble within.
what project will i be assigned to?
its a scary thing, to wait for answers to be revealed. My knees were shaking.
the suspense of waiting. and the lecturer who was supposed to brief us was late
for more than 10 mins...
Haiz!

finally! at 1:30 the answers revealed. i was assigned to ICG dept. i have to do something about IVR system. got to know two girls on dat monday. turned out that betty is gonna be my project partner for the whole of twelve weeks (hopefully its only 12 weeks...). my project supervisor for the whole 12 weeks is Mr Ling.
later, we moved on to the lab and was seated at our station.

and so, the project has begun...