Thursday, June 03, 2004

The Winds of Love

The winds of love are blowing here today.
The winds of love are blowing here to stay.

Blessings flow through the wind.
Harmony stirring within.
Here with the children we play.
Listen and feel what the winds say. . .

The winds of love are blowing here today.
Love burning bright, forever and a day.
Mystery flows through the wind.
Memories captured within.
Sharing our lives day by day.
Hand in hand we'll find our way.

Masa Berlalu Tak Ku Sadari

rasanya cepat benar masa berlalu, aku rasa seolah-olah baru semalam aku menjejakkan kaki ke Nanyang Polytechnic. Sekejap dah masuk tahun tiga(bagi aku tahun empatlah... hahahah). Semester ni, aku kena mulai dengan projek dulu. Aku harap aku dapat habiskan cepat-cepat.
Attachment belum tahu kena kat mana. Nanti bila masanya dah tiba barulah aku tahu... Yang penting bagi aku, tempat dan suasanaya bagus, kalau kena kat skolah pun tak apelah. kalau pat skolah, aku dah biasa dengan keadaan disini. so no problemlah.
keadaan kat rumah aje yang aku tak boleh handle. adik-adik aku cam susah sikit nak kawal... kadang kesian tengokkan diorang, kadang gelihati dengan telatah diorang, kadang geram juga dengan diorang; aku sedar aku bukanlah seorang kakak yang terbaik sedangkan aku yang paling tua...tapi aku tak nak nanti adik-adik aku ikut sikap buruk aku ni... aku kasar orangnya, lebih mirip lelaki daripada perempuan.
walaupun kekadang, ataupun lebih benar, seringnya aku memakai pakaian wanita tapi sikap aku lebih banyak kepada lelaki.
Dalam diri aku sendiri, seolah-olah ada dua jiwa... bukan pakaian yang menentukan sikapku, tetapi...entahlah...
Aku tak tahu kenapa, seringnya aku rasakan diriku sebagai lelaki dari wanita. kebanyakan yang tahu, hanya suka mengkritik dan mencemuh, sedangkan aku bukannya sengaja nakkan sangat jadi lelaki...

Decision

Sometimes in our life, there'll always be the times we had to make decisions, difficult decisions. And teenagers are often the ones who had most of the times had to face this kind of situation.
Take for example, a traditional gal who was supposed to be obedient with the rules, suddenly had to break one of it, she was trusted by her parents to study overseas, for further education. But during her studies there, she is put in an environment where people don't really bother to care about traditional values or morales, in which they should respect others as they are. Her friends are totally fun-seekers(there's nothig wrong with having fun, if you deserve to have it. The thing is, who don't deserve fun always get it, and they always get away without paying for the fun they have!), people who care lesser than less about morals and decorum. They know, she is forbidden to drink liquors or the sort, they know she is forbidden to go to discotheque, they know she must not mix with guys who are of not blood relatives as freely as if there's no boundaries, yet they persuaded her and threatened to ignore her if she doesn't follow them.
The girl who used to be lonely, and now felt that she had found companions find it hard to reject. And yet she knew her parents had trusted her. She knows she must say 'no' to them even if they are her friends, but she never said it. The feeling of being lonely again, to be in solace again frightened her.
She was afraid of losing her friends, she doesn't want to go the dark, lonely place again. She doesn't want to go there again... It was miserable to be alone. She knows deep in her heart, how much her parents loved her, but how can she always be with them? She's not someone who can afford to go home once a year, let alone every month. Neither can she contact them everyday for if she did, she wouldn't have enough money to pay for her fees and she couldn't always write letters to them, for it takes time and she is awfully busy with her lectures, studies, projects and all.
She need company and when she finally found it, she felt reluctant to let it go. So what is she to do now? She never said 'yes' to them, neither did she say 'no'. What must she do now? Should she let go of her friends and continue to live as it is...?

I don't know... Its not an easy thing to solve...

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

2nd week of fypj

i was quite late today, yet i was da first one to arrive...
the past few days has been rough for me...
not seen but felt by me... i don't know why i feel it dat way...
i had a talk with my buddy nas, well... sms talk... ahahaha...
i love my club, my tnt, its like my world! my club has been a part of me since i came to poly! i couldn't bear to see it crumbling down... :'(
i just cant...
i am torn between studies and my love, my tnt...
it means a lot to me! 3 years is not a short time...
i will try my best to revive it, to let it live, i will try my best to focus on my project...
i know nas told me, to focus more on my project, coz my club is only a cca and of less important, but...
i need a vacation! to relax my mind, to think things through...